My Mother Taught Me...

Have you had your mother teach you some strange things? Mine has. Let me share you some of the things I learned from her….


TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to fight with each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

The science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

How to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Yep! She is kind of wierd, alright!